The truth about LDR
The truth about long distance relationships and other things they don't tell from a girl who's had 2.
I've been meaning to blog about this topic for a long time already and I just can't seem to find time where in i'm not super stressed or super light-headed. I don't want to write when I'm either the two or else the entry would just be biased and one sided. It's either gonna sound like a dreamy teeny-booper relationship or a relationship from hell. I'm gonna try my best to be neutral and true about it, so here goes.
First order of business, my history- I was in a Long Distance Relationship that didn't work (obviously). It was my first relationship, we were both in college and it lasted about 3 years or so. When I moved to Singapore, we were headed for our 3rd year mark. Stuff happened, and I tell you, stuff really do happens when one of you decides to move without a definite date of return. So yeah, that relationship ended. And I don't know if I'll call myself dumb or misfortuned, I ended up falling for a guy I met on the internet- well, technically we didn't meet in the internet, we knew each other before then. But our friendship blossomed in the world wide web. I was in Singapore, he was in the Philippines- moving to the US. It wasn't as if I wanted to be in Long Distance Relationship, and things just were as they are. So yeah, after a failed LDR, I once again dove into a DLR- this time, not by choice. It was clearly out of my control (both the falling part and the moving part).
Being in a long distance relationship is full of ironies and metaphors. And if you're not a poet or a believer of poems, then you'd better be one before going in an LDR.
A Long distance relationship is not a relationship, it's a promise. It's a promise to that one person that you will be "there" no matter what. Whatever "there" may be- it can be a place on the map or a place in your heart. It's a promise that you'll stay and wait while promising to go wherever he may be and keep going even if it's hard. It's also a promise to yourself that everything's gonna be okay.
You're gonna have to be good at math. Because you'll be counting a lot. Counting the months left before you see each other again, counting how many days you haven't seen each other, counting the days you've actually been together physically (we've counted, and it's one moth), counting the years you have to wait for your relationship to be a "normal" one, counting the pounds you've lost and gained over the time you've been away, counting the miles that set you apart, counting the time difference from where your are, counting the hours of your flight to get you across the world, counting the days you could've spent together, counting the hugs and kisses that you could've gotten when you were sad or happy or just because. Counting the tears you've shed when you had to say goodbye and hello again for the first time.
When you're in a Long Distance Relationship, infidelity will occur, and I'm not talking about a person. Being in an LDR means you're also kind of married to your smartphone and laptop. You'll have constant battles with your wifi connection. I don't know how many times I've found myself with my first in the air like a neanderthal cursing nobody in thin air. People who are not close to you will always question your addiction to your phone. Every now and then you'll get stares from strangers while trying to "date" your phone, when you're just actually trying to send a video to your partner. People will say that you're vain because you take too many pictures and you'll just get tired of explaining that it's not for you, it's for him. You'll always fall asleep with your phone, always saying that your phone sucks and you'd rather be really falling asleep next to him.
You won't need to ride an airplane to be jetlagged. You're once messed up body clock will be more effed up especially when your partner is halfway across the globe. Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight all mean the same. You'll have sleepless nights and mornings-- well, they're still mornings. The Calendar on your smartphone is the next best thing to FaceTime. Days are longer and nights are shorter. There will be days that are longer than 24 hours and days that needs to be longer than 24 hours. The longest days are always the days you're apart and unfortunately, the shortest ones are the ones you spend together.
You're always gonna miss out. seeing pictures and posts will make you feel bipolar. You're happy that he's happy but at the same time pissed that he's happy with other people. Even if it's just "hanging out" you know that it's called a date if it's you with him (so really, what's the diff with a friendly date and hang? -legit question) Being far makes you feel helpless and hopeless. You can't do anything about it, but you will if you can. You're not allowed to fight over small and petty things that could end with a kiss or a hug, because that kiss and hug won't ever gonna come. It's all just emojis and xoxo's. So you'll learn how to be more understanding, be more patient and kind. If you're in an LDR you've got to have to learn how to trust, not only your partner but other people as well- which is more difficult.
You always don't have a plus one but you do. You'll feel left out and be the third/fifth wheel, when in reality you really don't have to be one. You're lonelier than the most single person in the room. It's like having a mojito without the alcohol. Both of you will always be alone together. You'll roll your eyes to that couple who kisses and shows affection in front of you. You'll get that "why don't I have that" feeling when you see people holding hands. It's depressing and sad, but happy at the same time. Happy that you're "not alone" and depressed that you are alone.
Staying home is also date night. Because of the the time difference, you'll get even more excited for the weekends. It means that you get to spend more time and have "dates." You'll be surprised on how creative you can be. We do actually watch movies and series together via FaceTime. The most photos you get are all screenshots of yourselves, and you realize that most of your memories together are digital. And realize that you're both growing old together, but not really. Making plans for the weekends will be hard. Choosing from staying home or going out. Risk your social life, or wait for the next weekend. The piles and piles of stories you collect everyday sometimes become dusty old novels that you forget over time.
Communication is key. You have to be good with your words. In the world of LDR, sometimes, actions don't speak louder than words. When 2 people are together and are not talking, they still make a connection. But 2 people at the opposite side of a video call not talking is just plain awkward silence. You just stare at that person, and sometimes you don't even know if he's looking at you. It's nothing. And nothing could mean anything. Nothing could mean i don't want to talk to you. Nothing could mean I'm busy. Or nothing It could simply just mean I don't have any words to say, let's just end this conversation.
Investments. Like any other relationship, it's all about investing not just your time, but also your feelings as well. It's a long term commitment and you have to plan ahead. You have to plan together and ask whether it will work out or not. Accept the distance and do something about it. Expect the worst and hope for the best.
At the end of the day even if it's sad, and depressing, and sucks. You'll know and you have to believe that all of it are worth it.
And always try to remember that it's not the relationship that sucks, it's the distance.
∆∆∆
Being in a long distance relationship is full of ironies and metaphors. And if you're not a poet or a believer of poems, then you'd better be one before going in an LDR.
A Long distance relationship is not a relationship, it's a promise. It's a promise to that one person that you will be "there" no matter what. Whatever "there" may be- it can be a place on the map or a place in your heart. It's a promise that you'll stay and wait while promising to go wherever he may be and keep going even if it's hard. It's also a promise to yourself that everything's gonna be okay.
You're gonna have to be good at math. Because you'll be counting a lot. Counting the months left before you see each other again, counting how many days you haven't seen each other, counting the days you've actually been together physically (we've counted, and it's one moth), counting the years you have to wait for your relationship to be a "normal" one, counting the pounds you've lost and gained over the time you've been away, counting the miles that set you apart, counting the time difference from where your are, counting the hours of your flight to get you across the world, counting the days you could've spent together, counting the hugs and kisses that you could've gotten when you were sad or happy or just because. Counting the tears you've shed when you had to say goodbye and hello again for the first time.
When you're in a Long Distance Relationship, infidelity will occur, and I'm not talking about a person. Being in an LDR means you're also kind of married to your smartphone and laptop. You'll have constant battles with your wifi connection. I don't know how many times I've found myself with my first in the air like a neanderthal cursing nobody in thin air. People who are not close to you will always question your addiction to your phone. Every now and then you'll get stares from strangers while trying to "date" your phone, when you're just actually trying to send a video to your partner. People will say that you're vain because you take too many pictures and you'll just get tired of explaining that it's not for you, it's for him. You'll always fall asleep with your phone, always saying that your phone sucks and you'd rather be really falling asleep next to him.
You won't need to ride an airplane to be jetlagged. You're once messed up body clock will be more effed up especially when your partner is halfway across the globe. Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight all mean the same. You'll have sleepless nights and mornings-- well, they're still mornings. The Calendar on your smartphone is the next best thing to FaceTime. Days are longer and nights are shorter. There will be days that are longer than 24 hours and days that needs to be longer than 24 hours. The longest days are always the days you're apart and unfortunately, the shortest ones are the ones you spend together.
You're always gonna miss out. seeing pictures and posts will make you feel bipolar. You're happy that he's happy but at the same time pissed that he's happy with other people. Even if it's just "hanging out" you know that it's called a date if it's you with him (so really, what's the diff with a friendly date and hang? -legit question) Being far makes you feel helpless and hopeless. You can't do anything about it, but you will if you can. You're not allowed to fight over small and petty things that could end with a kiss or a hug, because that kiss and hug won't ever gonna come. It's all just emojis and xoxo's. So you'll learn how to be more understanding, be more patient and kind. If you're in an LDR you've got to have to learn how to trust, not only your partner but other people as well- which is more difficult.
You always don't have a plus one but you do. You'll feel left out and be the third/fifth wheel, when in reality you really don't have to be one. You're lonelier than the most single person in the room. It's like having a mojito without the alcohol. Both of you will always be alone together. You'll roll your eyes to that couple who kisses and shows affection in front of you. You'll get that "why don't I have that" feeling when you see people holding hands. It's depressing and sad, but happy at the same time. Happy that you're "not alone" and depressed that you are alone.
Staying home is also date night. Because of the the time difference, you'll get even more excited for the weekends. It means that you get to spend more time and have "dates." You'll be surprised on how creative you can be. We do actually watch movies and series together via FaceTime. The most photos you get are all screenshots of yourselves, and you realize that most of your memories together are digital. And realize that you're both growing old together, but not really. Making plans for the weekends will be hard. Choosing from staying home or going out. Risk your social life, or wait for the next weekend. The piles and piles of stories you collect everyday sometimes become dusty old novels that you forget over time.
Communication is key. You have to be good with your words. In the world of LDR, sometimes, actions don't speak louder than words. When 2 people are together and are not talking, they still make a connection. But 2 people at the opposite side of a video call not talking is just plain awkward silence. You just stare at that person, and sometimes you don't even know if he's looking at you. It's nothing. And nothing could mean anything. Nothing could mean i don't want to talk to you. Nothing could mean I'm busy. Or nothing It could simply just mean I don't have any words to say, let's just end this conversation.
Investments. Like any other relationship, it's all about investing not just your time, but also your feelings as well. It's a long term commitment and you have to plan ahead. You have to plan together and ask whether it will work out or not. Accept the distance and do something about it. Expect the worst and hope for the best.
At the end of the day even if it's sad, and depressing, and sucks. You'll know and you have to believe that all of it are worth it.
And always try to remember that it's not the relationship that sucks, it's the distance.
∆∆∆
SCREENSHOTSSSS!!! HAHA
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