O N E • F O U R T H

Rantings about this and that, becuase I can, and because the internet told me to do it. Mostly just word vomit. Read at your own risk!

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Quarter life- the part of adulthood we've been anxiously waiting since we 20 somethings left the teen world. It's not something that surprised us in the face, in fact, we were more than ready for it, putting "I'm-ready-for-you-quarter-life-I'm-gonna-own-this-year" captions in our photos whilst holding a cake with 2 and 5 candles on it. And admit it, we've all read tons of articles in thought catalog, buzzfeed, cosmo and all that jazz, hoping to prepare us for what's ahead. Turning 25 meant we no longer belong to the young 20's, it's also kind of saying goodbye to the young adult bracket. This is the first year we start getting our shit together, when the fact is most of us don't even have shit to "get together." But what is it with this thing called quarter life that gets us all uneasy? Well, maybe it's the fact that every time we utter or type Quarter Life, the word crisis comes immediately right after. These 3 words put together is like an epidemic, it has effed up our lives, it has done great damages and will be causing more. But the upside of that is, we all know it's just a phase. Like our teenage rebel angst phase in high school, this too shall pass. We can't be 25 forever. 

The world may not have noticed but I decided to log myself out from the internet- Facebook to be exact, for a couple of weeks. My newsfeed was infested of way too many posts that I found depressing. Depressing in a sense that I always found myself comparing my life to my peers' which we all know is unhealthy. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't a total disaster, in fact I can say that I'm doing pretty well off. But like many of you, I  know it could be better; I know I could do better. But I was just lost, and still am. Nobody and nothing prepared me for this; life didn't come with instructions manuals. It's every man for himself in this what seems to be a rat race. I just couldn't understand how some of my peers, can manage to do this and that, go here and there, afford this and that, while I work my ass off and still be stuck in the same shithole. I don't know what I was doing wrong, I have a diploma and a job, and I know in my heart that I'm a good person, but still I feel like life was trolling me and shoving a million middle fingers up my face. Instead of focusing on what I'm good at, I found myself making a long list of things I'm bad at, things I should've done, things I should change. For a while I lived in the what ifs and what could haves. What if I chose another career path? What if I didn't go back to Manila? What if I wasn't in a long distance relationship? and so on and so forth. I was lost in a sea of question marks, that I know will be left unanswered. I did things which I don't even know if I really liked them, or just did it for show. Post after post, I scrolled down to see vacations, weddings, engagements, promotions, and there I was behind the screen of my laptop being a loser underachiever still hoping for a miracle intervention of some sort. The whole hulabaloo of impressing people were too much for me. So one day I woke up, and decided it had to stop, and detached myself from the world wide web. It did not last long though, of course I still needed some entertainment. 

Life is unfair, so we've been told. But it is fair if you're on the bright side and the other side of the spectrum.