S O L O . F L I G H T

Mothers know best, but also trust your instincts, but most importantly, don't believe everything you read on the internet. A not so short nor long comprehensive/descriptive blog entry on why you should leave the nest at least once in your life.

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Growing up in a middle class Filipino household, I was very catholic and somewhat "conservative". I was made to believe that leaving the roof of your parents only happens after (1) the holy sacrament of matrimony, so even if you're already over 30 or 40, going solo is not an option. And (2) if you're the family's breadwinner and the only way to have higher income was to work overseas. If you don't fall under those 2 categories, then leaving home was sort of an act of rebellion, a freedom fighter's way of saying "EFF IT, I'm out of here!" But I was not all of those people, I didn't get married, I'm not a breadwinner, and no, I am definitely not the rebellious type (or so, I thought.) I was just another not so average young adult who wanted more in life, but couldn't get it in her homeland. I was bored with all the drama, the city was getting smaller and smaller, and there was just not enough room to grow. So I decided to set sail to greener pasture, venture on my own, and start with a blank slate. 

I was anxious, scared, nervous, and excited. The feelings were so overwhelming that for the first few months in the alien land, just made me cry myself to sleep almost every night. But also, I was refreshed. For the first time in forever, I felt new and relieved. Sure I had zero friends, but no one knew me as well. For the the first time in forever, I didn't care about what other people thought of me. I didn't have an image to protect. I was a tabula rasa. For the first time in forever, I got lost and asked for directions. I didn't know my way to anywhere, and yet I wanted to go everywhere. For the first time in forever, I felt free. I didn't have curfews. I can go wherever I want, whenever I want. I didn't have a schedule to follow, and all have to worry about is myself. 

The skill of making new friends was long forgotten since Kindergarten started. I've had the same set of friends, hung out with the same people for since I don't know when. I practically knew everyone who was in the same circle I was. Moving to a foreign land made me dig up social skills I never knew I would be needing again as a young adult. I had to make hard efforts to find friends, unlike school, I didn't have peers just sitting and walking in the same four corners 5 days a week. It was tricky. I made friends in odd places- in the train, in the grocery, theme parks, and on a bridge. I had to approach people, I had to approach boys, I had to approach complete strangers and say "hi, what's up?" I had to give up thinking that men are supposed to make the first move. I abandoned the word shy to make things happen. Saying hello is hard, but saying goodbye was harder. I learned that nothing, not even friends are permanent. I learned it the hard way. People come and go, you may like it or not, people just have to leave. The airport became one of my hatest yet most loved places in the world. 

Laundry and grocery becomes a necessity and a chore. I didn't have to worry about clean clothes back home, I threw the dirty ones in the hamper and clean ones just magically appear, all I had to do was to pile them in my closet. Food, just came in, yes, I do go to the grocery with my mom, but I was a mere cart pusher. Choosing the best laundry detergent suddenly becomes a crucial life decision. Sorting clothes was like tending sheep- colored, white, dark color, delicates, denims, etc. Instant was the way to go- 3-in-1 coffee, microwaveable treats, canned goods, cereals, cookies. I lived on snacks and preservatives. I never knew how to cook and I did not have the intention of learning how to. Having clean sheets becomes a luxury. I savor the smell of freshly washed sheets and just wish it would stay the same after 2 weeks, or even a month after. 

You'll never know the value of a cent when it becomes a dollar. Being alone forced me to be financially independent, yeah, my parents were still willing to send help every once in a while, but I had my pride as high as the clouds sometimes (sometimes is an overstatement) Like people, money just came and go. Pay day became the happiest day in the month, but payday comes with other days as well, bills paying day! I never thought that I could relate to Destiny's child's song "bills." I had to pay for rent, phone bills, utility bills, internet bills, and so on and so forth. I learned to appreciate the value of gift cheques and vouchers. Winning vouchers was like hitting a gold mine! I answered surveys for 50 dollar worth of vouchers. Coins had the same value as paper bills, I was like a kid with a piggy bank.

Culture shock is as shocking as it gets. There were certain things that I could not understand why people do, or words that I just could not get hold of. Suddenly, I felt so small, I could not understand half of what people were telling me, everything just sounded too gibberish to comprehend. But eventually, everything will fall into place, (or at least may seem like it) and you can camouflage your way to anything.

Home will always be home. One of the perks of living overseas that's not quite far from home is that you get to visit whenever. (so long as seat sales are up) Coming home to the familiar will always give you that indescribable feeling of warmth and assurance. You are sure of what and who will be waiting for you when you get back. Family will always be there, and you will definitely know who your real friends are. You may be away for most of the year, but you will still have that connection. Yeah, I missed some important events, like birthdays and new years, it was heart breaking at first, but I learned to accept it. You'll have to make the most out of your weekend at home, meet as many people, and do as many things as possible. Long distance relationships will be a norm. LDRs with your family, friends, and significant other. I've mastered the art of video calling at 2am in the morning. You'll learn that "distance makes the heart grow fonder" the hard way.

BUT, (the big but is coming) once you come home for good, you'll suddenly remember all the reasons why you left in the first place. Yeah, I've missed this old feeling, but I also missed the new feeling, which never gets old. I might be home, but I don't think, I'd be for long. 'coz once you've left, you've taken your heart with you and your heart is always wandering elsewhere. (now, if only i could take everybody with me)

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"oh look, clouds!"